Almost doesn't count!
I was almost set up, to what I imagine to be done away with in 1997.. Luckily, or rather blessedly the spirit within me was too uncomfortable that night to sit still.. so almost didn't count!
Just prior to that, my son was born in 1996, and his mom and I were in love enough to go in the direction of marriage.. But because I wasn't clear in my purpose, or direction at that time, I wasn't clear on what it took to be successful in a relationship, so almost wasn't enough to make it happen..
I almost got the chance to take my grandfather on what would've been the first ride he'd had with his grandson driving. He'd suffered a few strokes by that time, and had limited movement on one side of his body. Being a teenager, I wasn't excited about picking my grandfather up that day because I thought he'd be moving slower than my patience...
On my way to pick him up, I was in a hit and run accident with another car, my passenger door was struck, and wouldn't be able to open until replaced. He passed away before I got it fixed, so I never got the chance to take him for a ride.. and almost didn't count!
After a reconciliation or two with my kids mom, she'd gotten pregnant and we decided we weren't ready to have another child. Unfortunately, we decided this twice without sticking to a plan of how she wouldn't get pregnant again. After it happened a third time and we still weren't as close as we had been, we entertained not only an abortion, but aborting the relationship once and for all.
I was never good with ending the life that had come from my seed, and this time I consulted my auntie. It was a short conversation, but she opened my eyes and gave me the inspiration to trust that no matter what happened in the relationship, my second child being born would be worth it.
My daughter is 21 today, a hybrid of her mother & her two grandmothers, with my grandmother's name as her middle. She's smart and worthy of all the good that the Lord has set up for her, in this situation her mother and I are very grateful that our almost didn't count.
I hadn't intended on this blog being so personal, but it happens that way sometimes!..
My grandmother was my world, so after the passing of my grandfather, her getting sick disturbed my world tremendously.
I don't know if anyone's keeping score, but Cancer has to have more murders under it's belt than any other of the diseases on this earth combined..
With more hope than I had ever had in my life, I was hopeful that my grandmother would survive. I would take her, and or accompany her to most of her doctors appointments and treatments. More than a year out of high school, I wasn't fitting in at my mom's home as she had recently gotten into a relationship and had moved with him into a house south of where we had previously lived.
When I failed to go in the direction that my mom and her boyfriend thought that I should, I went to live with my grandmother. I hadn't liked the idea of her being alone anyway, and I hadn't seen how I would cause any trouble staying with her.
Part of the reason I hadn't been doing so well at my mom's place is because I wanted to be "grown", without being "grown!" I wanted to come and go as I felt, without being accountable to anyone. I believe most grown folks would agree, that doesn't work if your not paying boss cost!
So, I knew only to a degree that I couldn't do the same at my grandmothers house with her being sick. I hadn't realized that my lifestyle in general was causing extra stress on her.
As I said, I loved and respected both of my grandparents, they always pushed for me to do things the right and decent way. I graduated high school just barely in four years because I refused to disappoint them, but to this day I've always done things out of the way of perfect.
When my grandmother became dissatisfied with my comings and goings, she decided to have a talk with me. True to fashion, I didn't take it humbly and knowing she wasn't feeling well, I decided to leave.
She followed me to the steps pleading with me that I didn't have to go, but I left anyway. The 1981 Oldsmobile Cutlass that I had been driving at the time wasn't running, so I walked to the bus stop and waited.
Thirty minutes of waiting and replaying the argument in my mind that I'd had with my grandmother began to weigh on me. I also thought about the missed opportunity that I'd had with my grandfather. Before I knew it I was walking back in the direction of my grandmothers apartment, and then past her apartment to the restaurant. I ordered her chicken wings with sauce on the side, and I got myself some chicken gizzards, and made my way to her apartment.
After ringing the doorbell and seeing my granny's face, I knew immediately that I had made the right decision, about the best one that I'd made at the time. Needless to say, my grandmother didn't beat Cancer, passing away about a year or so after my grandfather. As close as I was to it, and her I didn't see her death coming. Besides being consumed in my little world, when it came to my granny, I was consumed in hope, and I almost sacrificed more of the little time I had with her for foolishness.
In this case I thank God that almost doesn't count..